Day 110: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

So I'm frustrated... mildly as I'm aware I should be so fed up but am not allowing it to properly get to me - but today I have a broken/breaking/ oddly behaving macbook. The power lead has gone but more worryingly (and probably more expensivly) when you press the keys some ink looking stuff splurts out of the keys and goes everywhere... Joel could smell burning at one stage and Jez - a computer job person heard what was up with it and suspects something is melting somewhere inside - all of which are terrible things to happen! So Joel's offered to take it all in to the floaty magical apple shop and I'm using his now. What scares me is that its a work one... and I know GoldDigger don't have the money to replace it- yes its a priority and I need one to do my work - but that doesn't mean it can be replaced as the money simply isnt there and there are so many things we don't have that are a priority. So HOPEFULLY it will be mendable - if not I'm going to need to add that onto my saving up list but that is a depressing - REALLY depressing thought - hopefully it wont come to that. I just don't get it though... in the last month we've had a broken washing machine (managed to fix it for now) a broken kettle, broken dishwasher, broken breadmaker, 2 broken power cables and now the mac book. In previous times we would have just opted to stick things we need on the credit card but it just seems somehow significant - and significantly rubbish that we're not opting for that - we're getting by, borrowing or doing without. But the horrid thing is that we know we've cut back so much that there's no room for anymore to give... there's actually nothing we're paying for monthly that we can do without and there's no more we could cut out from our spending. I know it shoudn't get to me, and I'm not getting angry about it but I know I feel defeated as I just keep thinking...'right, whats the next thing thats going to go on us...?' I know I'm expecting it now... which is a totally pessamistic and defeated thing to think and its rubbish :(
So... lets end on a positive... the washer IS mended, the kettle still makes a cup of tea - it just blows occasional fuses and doesn't turn off and we have borowed one on standby, the state of the washing up is dreadful and we just don't have time to keep on top of it...but we're keeping on at freecycle, breadmaker we've asked mum and dad to contribute towards for Christmas and macbook MIGHT come back ok from the floaty apple shop... and Holly is Mary in the infant nativity, Elijah is a Shepherd for his nursery nativity and its Christmas tree weekend in a few days ... so there is still some good news in the world :)